So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
