Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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