today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
