Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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