508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
