I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
