so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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