ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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