Do vagina's smell?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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