I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
