my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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