if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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