Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
