Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
