i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
