it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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