he puts the penis in happiness.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
