she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
