Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Pants are for mortals
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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