i permit you to call me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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