I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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