Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
