I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
