Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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