just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
