exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize