It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
