She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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