I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
