What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
