My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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