Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
