We're like a lot better than the average bears
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
