I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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