I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize