if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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