The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The adults are the big ones right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
