the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
