yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
