I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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