So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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