I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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