The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize