I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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