I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
