two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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