when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
