There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
