Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
