Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
