I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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