I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
