I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
