his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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