I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
