i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
