So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i need some magic done to my vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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