Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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