The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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