kristin has been a bad kristin
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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