So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
