I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
