The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize