I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
