he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
